i feel like between not seeing anyone, getting tired by 10pm and rarely djing i am not living my own life but someone else's, some other boring person's life. i really dislike it.

i am kind of depressed beyond belief. actually.

it's like i'm falling down some sort of hole. or whatever.

sometimes living just gets so hard, you know?

still on it

I would be so happy for you if you didn't completely turn into a bizarro version of yourself in getting where you are. As terrible as it sounds, I'd like you to fail. Learn some fucking humility.

days like these

It's stuff like losing your best friend to a popularity contest that you didn't even sign up for that make you lose your faith in humanity.

today

i finally met emily's parents who would perhaps hate me based on the fact that i personify what they thought their daughter would outgrow and obviously didnt.

they seemed ok with me, talked to emily's mom for like 15 min.

then we went upstairs and hungout for awhile, just talking. we eventually layed (correct english what?) together in bed, bullshitting, listening to music, holding each other, and i suddenly was aware of how nice it was, how happy i was. like, the sensation kind of rushed through my whole body and everything in me felt tingly because i was so happy and like her so much. so i kissed her. and it was nice. everything just kind of fit.

she just fits.