But oh well.
Tonight's insnomia is a little thing called guilt.
1)Been thinking a lot about school these past couple days. And that's a bummer. Because I never really finished. One minor credit away that I failed and an NR a professor refuses to change. Well. I don't need the minor credit but I mean, why not? Good to have a minor while I am at it. But I never applied to grad school and now its too late and I don't want to tell my parents and blah blah blah. I'll be 25 soon and not one goddamned thing to show for it. I couldn't even keep Hot Knees alive.
2)This depression is really crushing me lately, so much I feel guilty about Emily. I feel like, if I can't even make myself happy how am I going to make her happy? This last year I haven't respected myself enough to have more than a casual sex relationship with everyone I have been involved with, and anyone I did like enough to want to date I only did because I knew they would reject me because of their own mental hangups. Rejection and lack of respect. Now that I have someone I care about/cares about me I still don't feel happy and I feel like I should, and I feel like I am letting her down by not being more...I don't know. Peppy. I feel lukewarm. I want to grab her and kiss her like I mean it and take long car rides listening to pretty music and whatever cute things I can't even think of because I am too depressed to. I just don't feel good enough for someone as good as her because I haven't sorted out my own issues yet.
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